Let me ask you something, friend.
Do you still know what makes you happy?
And when was the last time you did something simply because it made you happy?
- Not because your children needed it.
- Not because your husband wanted to do it.
- Not because it needed to be crossed off a list.
- Not because it was productive.
- Not because somebody else would benefit.
And definitely not because you could somehow turn it into another side hustle. 😉
I mean something you did for one simple reason:
It made you happy.
Can you answer that question easily?
Or did you have to stop and think about it?
Because if you’re sitting there thinking, Well… that’s actually a really good question, you’re exactly the woman I wanted to talk to today.
Maybe the question isn’t whether you’re happy.
Instead, maybe the question is whether you’ve become so busy creating happiness for everyone else that you’ve forgotten what happiness looks like for you.
And friend, there is a difference.
You Can Love Your Life and Still Miss Yourself
First, I want to make something very clear.
- You can love your family deeply.
- You can adore being a mother.
- You can be grateful for your marriage.
- You can love caring for the people who need you.
- You can appreciate your home, your work, your friendships, and the beautiful life you’ve built.
At the same time, you can still miss yourself.
Those two things can exist together.
In fact, I think that’s where many women become confused.
We think that if we’re grateful, we shouldn’t want anything more.
If we love being mothers, we shouldn’t need time away from motherhood.
If we love our families, we shouldn’t crave something that belongs only to us.
However, wanting to experience your own joy doesn’t mean you’re dissatisfied with your life.
Instead, it means you want to be fully alive inside it.
There’s a big difference between being unhappy with your life and realizing you’ve stopped participating in parts of it that once made you feel like you.
When Did Your Happiness Become Everyone Else’s Happiness?
For many women, the shift happens so gradually that we barely notice it.
At first, we’re building a life.
Then we’re building a home.
Maybe we’re raising children.
Perhaps we’re building careers.
Meanwhile, we’re remembering birthdays, making appointments, helping aging parents, grocery shopping, answering emails, volunteering, planning holidays, keeping up with friendships, paying bills, folding laundry, and somehow knowing exactly where everybody else’s missing stuff is.
Seriously.
How do they all think we know where everything is? 😂
Nevertheless, somewhere in the middle of all that loving, serving, organizing, remembering, and doing, something can quietly change.
We start measuring our happiness through the happiness of the people around us.
The kids had a great Christmas.
I’m happy.
My husband loved the vacation.
I’m happy.
Everyone enjoyed dinner.
I’m happy.
My family is healthy.
I’m happy.
And please don’t misunderstand me.
Those are real forms of happiness.
There is tremendous joy in seeing the people we love happy.
However, there’s another question worth asking:
What makes YOU happy when nobody else’s happiness is attached to it?
That’s where things sometimes get quiet.
Do You Even Know What Makes You Happy Anymore?
Maybe you do.
If so, I love that.
But maybe you’re not sure anymore.
Perhaps somebody asks what you enjoy doing, and you automatically start listing things you do with your family.
Or maybe someone asks what your hobbies are, and you laugh because you honestly can’t remember the last time you had one.
At some point, your answer to:
“What do you like to do?”
became:
“Well, I don’t really have much time for hobbies anymore.”
And eventually, you stopped asking yourself the question altogether.
However, that doesn’t mean the joyful, curious, creative parts of you disappeared.
More likely, they’ve simply been waiting for some attention.
Think About the Woman You Used to Be
For a moment, think back.
What did you love before life became so full?
Sometimes, reconnecting with your happiness begins by remembering the woman you were before life became so busy. If you’ve been wondering where that version of you went, you may also enjoy Rediscover the Beautiful Woman You Were Before Life Got So Busy. It’s a gentle reminder that she isn’t gone—she may simply be waiting for you to make a little room for her again.
Maybe you painted.
Maybe you wrote stories.
Perhaps you loved photography.
Maybe you spent hours reading.
You might have loved hiking, baking, gardening, dancing, sewing, drawing, crafting, traveling, decorating, playing music, or wandering through antique stores.
Perhaps you loved concerts.
Maybe you loved sitting on the beach.
Or maybe you simply loved driving around with your favorite music turned ridiculously loud.
What did you do when nobody was grading it, paying you for it, depending on you for it, or expecting anything from you?
What did you do simply because it made you feel alive?
That woman hasn’t disappeared.
However, she may have been waiting patiently in the background while you’ve been busy becoming everything everyone else needed you to be.
But Here’s Something Important: You May Not Be Her Anymore
Now, here’s where things get interesting.
Maybe you don’t want to go back.
And that’s okay.
In fact, I don’t think rediscovering happiness means becoming the woman you were at 20, 30, or even 40.
- You’ve changed.
- You’ve grown.
- You’ve lived.
- You’ve loved.
- You’ve lost things.
- You’ve learned things.
Therefore, some of the things that once brought you joy may not fit anymore.
Maybe you used to love crowded concerts, and now your idea of a fabulous Friday night is fuzzy socks, a good book, and nobody talking to you for two hours.
Honestly?
Growth. 😂
So, instead of asking only:
“What used to make me happy?”
also ask:
“What makes the woman I am today happy?”
You may need to get to know her.
And that can actually be fun.
Not Everything You Love Has to Be Useful
This one is important, so I’m going to say it a little louder:
Not everything you love has to be useful.
Somewhere along the way, adulthood convinced many of us that everything we do should accomplish something.
- If we bake, maybe we should sell it.
- If we paint, maybe we should open an Etsy shop.
- If we love photography, perhaps we should start a business.
- If we garden, we’d better grow vegetables.
- If we write, maybe it should become a book.
- If we craft, surely somebody will ask: “Have you thought about selling those?”
And suddenly, the thing that once gave us joy has invoices and shipping labels. 😂
Friend…
- You are allowed to be bad at something you love.
- You are allowed to paint something nobody will ever buy.
- You can take photographs nobody will ever see.
- You can grow flowers that serve absolutely no purpose except making you smile when you walk past them.
- You can color.
- Dance.
- Sing badly.
- Make pottery with questionable structural integrity.
- Learn something simply because you’re curious.
After all, joy does not need to justify its existence by becoming productive.
Some things are allowed to exist simply because they make you happy.
How Long Have You Been Postponing Your Own Happiness?
This question may sting a little.
How many things have you told yourself you’ll do “someday”?
- I’ll travel when the kids are older.
- I’ll start painting again when life settles down.
- I’ll take that class when I have more time.
- I’ll get back into photography after this busy season.
- I’ll read more when things aren’t so hectic.
- I’ll start taking better care of myself after everyone else needs me a little less.
However, one busy season becomes another.
Then another.
Before long, years pass.
Meanwhile, your happiness keeps getting moved further down the calendar.
Friend, there will always be responsibilities.
There will always be someone who needs something.
There will always be dishes.
And I’m sorry to report that the laundry has shown absolutely no interest in permanently completing itself. 😂
Therefore, if you’re waiting for the magical season when nobody needs you and everything is finished…
You may be waiting a very long time.
Your Joy Doesn’t Have to Come Last
Caring for other people is beautiful.
Serving the people you love is beautiful.
Motherhood can be beautiful.
Marriage can be beautiful.
Friendship can be beautiful.
Caregiving can be an extraordinary expression of love.
However, none of those things require you to disappear.
- You don’t have to choose between loving your family and loving your life.
- You don’t have to choose between being a devoted mother and being a creative woman.
- You don’t have to choose between caring for others and caring for yourself.
Instead, perhaps the goal is to stop treating yourself as the one person whose needs, dreams, interests, and happiness are always negotiable.
Because your joy matters too.
Start Paying Attention to What Lights You Up
If you don’t know what makes you happy anymore, don’t panic.
You don’t need to figure out your life’s greatest passion by Friday.
Instead, start paying attention.
- Notice what makes you curious.
- Notice what makes you smile.
- Notice what you keep saying you’d love to try.
- Notice which sections of a bookstore you wander toward.
- Notice what you save on Pinterest.
- Notice what makes you think: “Ohhh, I would love to do that.”
That’s information.
Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn watercolor.
Perhaps you’d love to photograph wildflowers.
Maybe you want to learn pottery.
Maybe you want to grow a ridiculous number of flowers in your backyard.
Perhaps you’d love to hike somewhere beautiful.
Maybe you want to take a dance class.
Or perhaps your version of happiness is sitting outside with a cup of coffee watching hummingbirds argue over the feeder.
Honestly, those tiny birds have enough drama to qualify as reality television. 😂
Whatever it is, pay attention.
Your joy leaves clues.
Give Yourself Permission to Experiment
Next, try something.
Not forever.
Not perfectly.
Just once.
Take the class.
Buy the inexpensive watercolor set.
Visit the botanical garden.
Go hiking.
Try the recipe.
Pick up the camera.
Plant the flowers.
Borrow the book.
Turn on the music.
Go somewhere you’ve never been.
And then ask yourself:
Did that make me feel more like myself?
If yes, do it again.
If not, try something else.
After all, rediscovering happiness isn’t a test you can fail.
It’s exploration.
Create a “What Makes Me Happy?” List
Here’s something simple you can do today.
Grab a journal or piece of paper and write:
Things That Make Me Happy
Then start listing them.
Don’t overthink it.
Morning sunshine.
Fresh flowers.
Funny movies.
Painting.
Hiking.
Dogs.
Music.
Photography.
The smell of rain.
Coffee on the porch.
Long conversations with a friend.
Walking barefoot on the beach.
Reading in bed.
Creating something beautiful.
Watching butterflies.
Whatever comes to mind, write it down.
Then, over the next few weeks, keep adding to the list.
Eventually, you’ll begin noticing patterns.
Maybe you crave creativity.
Perhaps you need more nature.
Maybe you need adventure.
Maybe you need quiet.
Maybe you need laughter.
Or perhaps you simply need more moments when nobody is asking you to do anything.
Fair enough. 😂
Your list doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
It only has to look like you.
Happiness Doesn’t Always Arrive in Big Moments
We often imagine happiness as something dramatic.
- The dream vacation.
- The new house.
- The big accomplishment.
- The perfect weekend.
However, some of life’s sweetest happiness arrives quietly.
- It’s the song you haven’t heard in years suddenly playing on the radio.
- It’s seeing the first flower bloom in your garden.
- It’s laughing so hard with a friend that your stomach hurts.
- It’s watching the sunset from your porch.
- It’s creating something with your hands.
- It’s getting completely lost in a book.
- It’s walking through the woods and realizing you haven’t looked at your phone for an hour.
Therefore, don’t overlook ordinary joy while waiting for extraordinary happiness.
Sometimes the life you’ve been longing to feel more present in is already offering you little invitations.
You simply have to notice them.
You Are More Than the Roles You Fill
- You may be a mother.
- A wife.
- A daughter.
- A sister.
- A caregiver.
- A friend.
- A business owner.
- An employee.
- A volunteer.
- A homemaker.
Perhaps you’re many of those things at once.
Those roles are meaningful.
Some may even be among the greatest joys of your life.
But underneath all those roles, there is still a woman.
- A woman with ideas.
- Preferences.
- Dreams.
- Curiosity.
- Creativity.
- Humor.
- Interests.
And a heart that deserves to experience joy for no other reason than she is alive.
So, perhaps it’s time to ask her what she wants.
When Was the Last Time You Did Something Just Because It Made You Happy?
We’re back to where we started.
But now I want you to answer the question.
Really answer it.
When was the last time you did something just because it made you happy?
If your answer is yesterday, wonderful.
Keep going.
If your answer is last month, maybe it’s time again.
And if you honestly can’t remember…
Then, friend, perhaps this is your invitation.
Not to abandon your responsibilities.
Not to stop caring for the people you love.
And certainly not to blow up your entire life in the name of “finding yourself.”
Instead, simply make room for yourself inside the beautiful life you’re already living.
Before You Go…
So, here’s your challenge.
Sometime this week, do one thing that has absolutely no purpose other than making you happy.
Not productive.
Not profitable.
Not useful.
Just joyful.
Buy the flowers.
Paint the picture.
Take the drive.
Photograph the sunset.
Blast the music.
Walk through the woods.
Read the book.
Plant something beautiful.
Sit outside and watch those tiny hummingbirds fight over sugar water like somebody’s inheritance depends on it. 😂
Whatever makes you smile…
Do a little more of that.
Because you can love your family fiercely and still make room for yourself.
You can be grateful for your life and still want to experience more joy inside it.
You can serve others without continually postponing yourself.
And most importantly, you don’t have to wait for someday to start feeling alive again.
After all, friend…
You aren’t just here to keep everyone else’s life running smoothly.
You’re here to live yours too.
So, go find something that makes your heart light up.
And if anyone asks what productive purpose it serves?
Just smile.
Joy is the purpose. 😉
XOXO,
~Linda
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